December 28, 2009

Teh Ceiling Cat's Cow

Note: The following is intentional humor, given that this week's festival is a lighthearted and joyous occasion. While this blog demonstrates that I am perfectly capable of being Very Serious, I think that of late it's being forgotten that I also have a sense of humor, and the following is intended to re-establish that, as well as to answer the challenge of a child of a Cat who dared me to do it...

This is the way my cats tell the myth of this week's festival, the Establishment of the Celestial Cow, to each other....

Cuz teh d00dz r ebil, Ceiling Cat finked 2 leaf Erfs 4 gud.

He wented 2 finds His babeh gurl Nut.

She wuz nah angreh kitteh nomore (She stoppd aftr nomming teh d00dz an drinkin berz) but cow formz. srs.

An Ceiling Cat sed 2 teh kitteh-cow: "Ohai! im on ur bak, lightin ur skiez and stuffs. Nao wut?"

Den w00t! Cow iz skiez!!!1!!

Ceiling Cat sed: "go way from teh d00dz 2 see dem moar good kthx."

An Ceiling Cat's cow goed up highs.

Den She sed: "lookit meh an make meh MANEHS!" (Cos goeding up highs r boring.)

An sweet! Stars!!!1!!! srsly.

Den Ceiling Cat teh Graet sed: "i liek it heer. iz nice." An He namd dat place Sekhet-Hotep cuz it mented "nice heer" in Gyptshun.

But it wuz 2 high ups, an Ceiling Cat's cow startd 2 shaek cuz She wuz frayed ov teh hights, onoes!

Ceiling Cat sed: "plz 2 halp cow not fall down, godz? kthx." Den four godz come an holds her feets.



Read about how cats speak to each other here.

2 comments:

  1. In case you want to hear the entire myth and not just the portion pertaining to today's holiday:

    Teh Ceiling Cat's Cow

    Wen beginz, Ceiling Cat maded hizself: king ov teh d00dz, godz an stuffs. Den teh d00dz wuz rudz 2 Him. Dey sed: "Teh Boz iz old, all shineh 4 srs!!!11!!" Srsly.

    But Ceiling Cat herd teh d00dz. He sed 2 hiz Shemsu: "Git mah babeh gurl teh Eye, an Shu, Tefnut, Geb, Nut an teh ole d00dz wut livd wif meh when ir in teh Nun, kthx. Git Nun 2 plz! He can haz halprz. Tell dem b kwyut so teh d00dz dunt seez dem an haz feer. Bring dem 2 mah plaec so i can haz advices!"

    An teh godz an old d00dz came on bof sidz 2 Ceiling Cat an bowded down.

    An Nun, teh ole Cat, who maded d00dz an all stuffs, sed: "ir heer listnin 2 ur wordz." An Ceiling Cat sed: "Ohai Dad!!!11! an old d00dz!!1!! lookit wut teh ebil d00dz haz done! Nao wut?"

    An Nun sed: "Sit down kthxbai. Teh d00dz haz feer. Send ur Eye Hethert 2 nom dem!" An Ceiling Cat sed: "w00t! Teh d00dz haz gone 2 teh dezurt."

    All teh godz an stuff sed 2 Ceiling Cat: "Send ur Eye 2 nom teh ebil d00dz, 4 srs." An Ceiling Cat sed: "Sweet!!11!"

    Den teh Eye nommed teh d00dz in teh sand!!!!1!! Aftr dat Ceiling Cat sez "Plz come homez, Hethert. Iz dun."

    But Hethert sed: "im in ur sandz nommin ur d00dz! w00t!!" Den Hethert wuz Sekhmet an nomz teh d00dz way far way.

    An Ceiling Cat sed: "Onoes!!11!!! nomz iz srs bsns!!1!! Bring fast kittehs!" An dey wuz bringded.

    Den He sed: "Git red rox!" Dey got rox an put dem in berz so berz look like blud, srsly. Teh fast kittehs takd teh berz an put on teh sandz.

    Aftr Sekhmet nomz teh d00dz, She sawd teh berz like a lake ov blud. She sed: "I can haz? Sweet!" an drinkd it. w00t! Den She wuz drunk an She forgottd teh d00dz 2 nom.

    An Ceiling Cat sed: "Come homez nao plz!" An She did. Den dey maked berz for teh holidayz so She no haz noms nomore.

    Cuz teh d00dz r still ebil, Ceiling Cat finked 2 leaf Erfs 4 gud. He wentd 2 findz His babeh gurl.

    She wuz nah angreh kitteh nomore (Stoppd aftr nomming teh d00dz an drinkin berz) but cow formz. srs.

    An Ceiling Cat sed 2 teh kitteh-cow: "Ohai! im on ur bak, lightin ur skiez and stuffs. Nao wut?"

    Den w00t! Cow iz skiez!!!1!!

    Ceiling Cat sed: "go way from teh d00dz 2 see dem moar good kthx."

    An Ceiling Cat's cow goed up highs.

    Den She sed: "lookit meh an make meh MANEHS!" (Cos goeding up highs r boring.)

    An sweet! Stars!!!1!!! srsly.

    Den Ceiling Cat teh Graet sed: "i liek it heer. iz nice." An He namd dat place Sekhet-Hotep cuz it mented "nice heer" in Gyptshun.

    But it wuz 2 high ups, an Ceiling Cat's cow startd 2 shaek cuz She wuz frayed ov teh hights, onoes!

    Ceiling Cat sed: "plz 2 halp cow not fall down, godz? kthx." Den four godz come an holds her feets.

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  2. I laughed so hard I cried. Now I feel so much better on on the first day at a new job. At least least I'm not having to hold up the sky!

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